FAMILY MEMBERS AS SECONDARY VICTIMS OF TRAUMA

"A FAMILY MEMBER RECALLS HER TRAUMA & RECOVERY" FROM POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS Sara Gilman, M.F.T., F.A.A.E.T.S. Marriage & Family Therapist Fellow, American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress

Category: EMDR

I felt incredibly blessed and at the same time selfish. My father's life had been spared during a shooting rampage in the town he policed. The first phone call I received was from my sister explaining one officer was shot, my father's dear friend. The men responsible had not been found yet and every officer was a part of the manhunt to find them, including my father. The days that followed were agonizing as I waited for the phone to ring with any kind of news. The news we prayed for, that the accused men would be found never came. What did come into my life was a stranger, someone other than the father I had known. He seemed so different and yet it was hard to explain.

Six months later I was driving home from work late one night when my cellular phone rang. My cell phone never rang since I had it only for emergencies. I can remember exactly where I was on the freeway and I will never forget the fear that came over me. I remember hearing my sister telling me to pull the car over but I couldn't. She told me that she was at the hospital with our father and that he had tried to commit suicide.

The man I sat and cried with in that emergency room was the shell of my father. I watched as the doctor worked on him. I wondered if my father's life had ever really been spared six months earlier. In some way a part of him had died after the shooting. This night felt as if we were losing him again. What would become of him? Does he really want to be saved? I asked myself all these questions.

The night he was discharged from the hospital, we were terrified to bring him home and now what do we do? By the Grace God, we were fortunate to find a therapist who came to debrief our family and help my father recover. She explained he was suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, (PTSD) associated with the shooting. The months that followed proved to be a success for him and the therapist suggested sessions for the entire family. As a result of what happened, the family was also finding itself dealing with the effects of the shooting and now the suicide attempt. Never having experienced either before. We all were having nightmares, flashbacks, hypersensitivity, sleep problems, irritability, tearfulness and mood swings. Prior to this, I had never heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) but I was open to any technique that might help. My mind had become filled with images of bandages, blood, monitors, needles and impatient nurses. There was a certain smell I would pick up from time to time that reminded me of the emergency room. I would remember my father's attempt every time I drove that same section of freeway. I despised my cell phone, became squeamish of knives and suffered from nightmares. I connected all of these things with that single night.

EMDR has allowed me to get beyond these negative memories and feelings. To be honest, I remember very little about my EMDR sessions. I focused on the flashing lights while I concentrated on different memories. I was asked to explain where my body felt stress or tension. The last thing I remember is feeling an odd sense of relief and closure. I haven't forgotten what happened to my family but I don't feel the anxiety associated with that event any longer.

If I could send one message, it would be to family members of those suffering from PTSD. Do not underestimate your feelings of anxiety, stress, impatience, anger or sadness, or the unusual mental images and nightmares. You have been placed in a unique position. You may not have gone through the same experience as your loved one, but you have been forced to watch this event alter their life and subsequently yours.

Seeking help from a counselor who specializes in trauma was critical to our family's healthy recovery. We have a greater understanding of each other and we feel closer having gone through our recovery together.

(Author - anonymous. Identifying information changed to protect confidentiality.)